Prerequisites for successful couples counseling – that sounds like a high hurdle. The good news: Most couples already possess the essential qualities without even realizing it. This page shows you what really matters.
The most important prerequisite: willingness to change
Many couples wonder if they are "ready enough" for couples counseling. The hurdles are lower than most people think. What's crucial isn't that everything is clear – but that both partners are willing to change something. Not the other person, but rather patterns, dynamics, and their own attitudes. That's the only starting point that truly works.
"Problems can never be solved with the same mindset that created them." — Attributed to Albert Einstein
What you not available require:
- Concrete "proof" of problems – your feeling is enough.
- A guarantee that you will stay together
- A complete explanation for why things have come to this – we are not looking back, but forward.
- An acute crisis – couples counseling is also prevention
Why we don't prescribe "recipes"
In medicine, patients describe their symptoms, and a doctor makes a diagnosis and develops a treatment plan. Systemic couples counseling works fundamentally differently.
1. We are companions on the journey, not clairvoyants.
We don't know the solution for your relationship at the outset – because you are the experts on your own lives. We provide methods and a safe space. The "ingredients" for your solution come from you. There is no one-size-fits-all "recipe for happiness" that works for every couple.
2. Client instead of patient
In our consultations, you are not a passive recipient of advice. We work together to identify entrenched patterns and discover new possibilities for action. Specifically, this means: We ask questions that enable a shift in perspective. We make visible dynamics that often go unnoticed in everyday life. And we support you in developing your own solutions.
Clarifying the assignment: Why your contribution is crucial
Every initial consultation begins with three key questions:
- What is your problem? (What brings you to us?)
- What is your destination? (How do you know that the consultation was successful?)
- What is our specific task? (What exactly should or can we do for you?)
"You should know that – that's what we're here for!" We hear this sentence frequently. It's understandable, because many people are familiar with the principle from visiting a doctor: I describe my symptoms, the expert tells me what to do. In systemic couples counseling, it works differently – and for good reason.
Imagine going to an architect and saying, "Build me a house." The first question would be: "What kind of house? How many rooms? What's your budget? How should it feel?" Even the best architect can't work without your vision. It's the same with us.
We know how relationship dynamics work, which methods are helpful, and how to create a safe space. But we don't know what a good solution is for you personally. Only you can know that. That's why we need your input. This doesn't mean you have to have the answer ready. It's enough if you can suggest a direction, for example:
- "We want to talk to each other again without things escalating."
- "We need someone to moderate, because we're just going in circles on our own."
- "I want to find out if the relationship still has a chance."
- "We need support in making a concrete decision."
Even "I don't know exactly what I need yet – but things can't continue as they are" is a good starting point. From that, we can develop a clear objective together.
Guiding question for clarifying the assignment:
What would have to happen here today for you to say at the end: "It's good that we've sorted this out. My expectations have been met."
It's also important to note: We don't give advice, but rather recommendations. You decide whether to accept them. The responsibility remains with you.
What a good clarification of the task achieves
- A clear agreement protects you as a couple.
- He prevents the advisor from becoming an ally of a partner.
- He ensures that both feel seen. He strengthens their personal responsibility and creates transparency.
In short: Without a clear definition of the task, there is no clear process. A clear task requires clear expectations – defining the task is always also clarifying expectations.
When is the right time for couples counseling?
Myth: The relationship must be "at an end" in order to begin couples counseling.
Contrary to this widespread myth, it is often more sensible to seek professional help before problems seem insurmountable. The prerequisites for couples counseling are met when you realize you need support.
You do not need the following:
- Concrete "proof" of problems is not required – your feeling is perfectly sufficient.
- A guarantee that you will stay together
- A complete problem analysis – that's what the initial consultation is for.
- It doesn't have to be "bad enough" – couples counseling is also prevention.
Practical requirements for couples counseling
In addition to emotional readiness, there are some practical prerequisites for couples counseling to consider:
- Temporary availability: regular appointments
- Financial resources: Couples counseling is a self-pay service.
- Suitable advisor: The chemistry should be right.
Costs and health insurance
Important note: Couples counseling is not covered by statutory health insurance. Anyone claiming otherwise is being misleading.
- The statutory health insurance only pays in cases of illness.
- Couples counseling is life coaching, not medical treatment.
- All services are self-pay services.
Detailed information on the legal classification of our services can be found on our page about
legal demarcation.
Why we don't offer a "free initial consultation"
We consider free, brief consultations of 10 to 20 minutes to be unprofessional. It's impossible to develop a viable plan in such a short time. You book a full initial consultation and clarification session with 100% satisfaction guaranteeIf it doesn't suit you, we'll refund the fee.
What you should know and bring with you:
- What is your problem, and what have you tried so far?
- What is your destination?
- What should our specific task be?
What is not offered?
- no medical treatment
- no diagnostics, no analysis, no "why" questions
- no psychological or medical assessments
- no treatment of diseases or disorders with clinical significance
- no psychotherapy
- no psychiatric or psychological treatment services
- no benefits under the German Social Code, Book V (SGB V), Book VIII (SGB VIII), Book IX (SGB IX), Book XI (SGB XI) or Book XII (SGB XII).
- no welfare benefits
- no social work support
- no parenting advice
- no family counselling in the sense of youth welfare
- no socio-educational family support
- not a family education center, parent school or parent center
- no care services
- no family counseling
- no legal guardianship
- no professional care
- no legal representation
- no procedural care
- no integration assistance
- no integration assistance
- no probation
- No debt counselling
- No refugee, asylum or migration advice
- no homeless assistance
- No addiction counselling
- no crisis or emergency aid
- no outpatient social services
- no outreach social work
- no street work
- no everyday support
- no neighborly assistance
- no senior citizen support
- no disability assistance
- no hospice services
- no daycare facility
- not a leisure or meeting place
- no employment or integration projects
- no publicly or institutionally funded advice center
- not a non-profit organization
- no care or support for people in need of assistance
- No benefits for people in particularly difficult social circumstances
- No billing with statutory or private health insurance companies
